Recently, I had the opportunity to enjoy 2 flights. The flights were timely, comfortable, and staffed with pleasant and helpful crews. Both flights presented opportunities for neighboring passenger engagement. During my departing flight, a young man in his forties sat next to me and he was very engaging. He shared details about his career, business endeavors, family, God, serving, and expected highlights for his trip. Typically when I fly, I am fast asleep before we reach the desired altitude and then I awake for the delicious cookies and a drink only to return to my nap. For me, in-flight naps are the best!
However, this flight was different. I pushed myself. Internally I told myself to engage. Engaging meant actively listening, sharing some of my life details, asking questions, and being okay with moments of quietness. Additionally, I had to be intentional to keep eye contact. After all, we've been told to look at someone when they are speaking to us. But this person was taller and not only did I have to commit to my decision but I had to physically position myself to maintain eye contact.
As we landed at our destination we extended departing wishes for a great time with our respective families.
On the return flight, I again found myself having an engaging exchange with a nearby passenger. Unlike the first flight, this passenger was 7 months old and was held in the arms of his relative for the entire flight. I could see his little feet in front of me and they were super active! I heard him making pleasant baby noises. I found myself wanting to fully see the baby, I wanted to engage! So low and behold the baby was positioned just right that he glanced back through the narrow opening between the plane seat and the window of the plane. Just when our eyes connected, I began to entertain the baby. Making my eyes wide, smiling, and talking with a high pitch! The more favorable the response, the more I engaged as I desired to keep eye contact and see him smile and even laugh. This exchange was comfortable yet I was more vulnerable than the first flight, as I was making silly eyes, silly sounds, and talking to a little baby through a crack! Eventually, the baby was repositioned and our engagement ended. The flight landed, and we exited the plane. I started to think about why one scenario of engaging with my neighboring passenger was easier to keep eye contact than the other.
How can the same bodily action of eye contact create 2 different responses? Could it be trust? Could it be fear? Could it be judgment? The answer is "Yes," "Yes," and "Yes." Vulnerability with the baby was easy! Seeing them laugh and smile made me happy. I wanted to hear him giggle. I was willing to become "silly," for this little baby. I had no idea how the relative holding the baby would respond, yet I took the risk, I kept eye contact, and I actively engaged with abandonment at that moment.
Yet, as I exchanged conversation with the adult male I had to consciously think and choose to keep eye contact. The conversation was pleasant, interesting, and not forced. So, subconsciously was a level of fear present, a lack of trust, feeling of being judged? To be honest, at some point, all of these were present at some point during the exchange. Why is this person sharing this information? Well, that was a bit personal (in my opinion). Where is this exchange going? I don't have a mask on should we even be talking this much, given the proximity? These were just a few of my racing thoughts.
Eye Contact is important. Eye Contact is free. Eye Contact feels risky. Eye Contact speaks louder than you might think. Eye Contact is part of communication. Eye Contact is respectful. Eye Contact is growth. Eye Contact actually fosters trust, eases fear, and can be affirming vs judgemental. Eye Contact is not blank staring.
I want to practice Eye Contact. A challenge this week is to be mindful of moments where you are not comfortable maintaining Eye Contact. Assess why you may feel this way. Is it an opportunity for growth? for choosing to take the risk? for improving your communication effectiveness? Let me know your experience.
FredaSpeaks
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